You're never bored when you're paranoid- the truth behind 9/11

Originally published September 11, 2008

This is the first part of a four-part series: for the other parts, click here: 2nd part, 3rd part, 4th part

I found out who perpetrated the 9/11 terrorist attacks, or more precisely who was behind it: Rube Goldberg. If you dont know who that is, you can always check WikiPedia, but to make it short, Rube Goldberg is a cartoonist famous for having invented in his drawings an astounding array of hairbrained contraptions each more ludicrous than the preceding, so famous that his name is now used to designate the genre: if you played Mousetrap when you were a kid, you've seen a classic example of a "rube goldberg machine".

So what has any of this to do with September 11? Well, nothing, if you believe the official story, namely the one that says that Osama Bin Laden, at the head of an international terrorist ring, has selected amongst a seemingly unending source of brainwashed loonies 19 of the best (including a half-dozen who have some experience as airplane pilots), and sent them on a suicide raid against three landmarks representing the three pillars of America's power (government, banks, army). Simple, straightforward, efficient, badabing badaboom, no useless complications, no horsing around. Even if the operation hasn't turned out to be a complete success, the beauty in the plan lays in its simplicity, by implicating about thirty people at most. Keep it simple, stupid.

But as you may havew figured out, the real story is far more complicated. The Twin Towers to begin with: you'd think crashing two Boeing at full speed would be enough to draw some attention, but the towers were built to withstand this sort of event, meaning the buildings' collapse wasn't guaranteed. To make sure they fall down, it was then necessary to plant bombs in them. It sort of make the planes somewhat redundant, if not a show of outright overkill, but why keep it simple when you can make it complicated.

While we're at it, instead of sending jumbo jets, why not flesh it out some and use military planes? So the conspirators have painted military cargo planes with American Airlines and United Airlines liveries, then hid a missile in each of them, in specially prepared bulges fitted under the fuselage. The two planes then crashed in the towers while each firing its missile a fraction of a second before impact, like a kamikaze barreling down on a house with a semi but still taking care of shooting a .45 bullet from a magnum that he took the precaution of hiding behing the fender. We really have to tip our hat to our conspirators' commitment to the cause of useless complexity.

But they certainly didn't stop there: au contraire. They could have happily planted their bombs in a haphazard way, but once again why make it simple when you can make it complicated. So they carefully placed the charges in such a way as to provoke a controlled demolition. Instead of crashing down more or less chaotically, both towers collapsed in a predictable fashion, each floor falling squarely on the lower one in a graceful manner that was almost elegant in its eeriness. You have to admit you don't get to see that every day, terrorists who take the time and pain to methodically deconstruct their target instead of just blowing shit up as they're usually wont, all the more so considering the fact that they successfully managed to trick the National Institute of Standards and Technology who to this day still holds that fire was the only cause of the towers' collapse.

Now there remained the tricky matter of the passengers. Just creating fictive identities wouldn't have sufficed, because there still was the problem of two commercial airliners who would normally show as missing in their respective companies' inventories. So they hijacked the two flights in question towards New-York, and there made them crossed paths with the two disguised military planes at a pre-determined point. They then shut down all transmitters, activated some sort of radar scrambling device that has been previously installed in secrecy, and then casually went their merry way undetected while taking the precaution of seizing all cellular phones from the passengers, while all this time air controllers who being none the wiser kept following the fake airliners on their radar screens.

Finally, they discreetly landed on an out-of-way strip, where they killed all the passengers and staff in cold blood, then hacked both planes to bits and brought pieces back to the WTC surroundings, including the flight recordings, and up to – man, those guys are good! – a piece of fuselage that they carried all the way to the top of WTC5 right under the nose of all bystanders, including NYPD officers who had cordoned off the entire area. And all this while they could just been happy with loading four or five trucks full of explosives, pulled over in the parking lot under the towers and just stroll out whistling innocently. I said it and will say it again, why make it simple when you can make it complicated.

And when I say complicated, I'm really understating. If you thought it was over, think again, the fun has just begun. But this is beginning to get tiresome, so I'll take a break. To be continued tomorrow.