March 26, 2011

My electoral program

Originally published March 3, 2007

It is with no small amount of pride and joy that I officially declare my candidacy for the upcoming canadian federal elections. And I'm proud as well to announce the formation of my new party, Your Party, of which I'm the only member so far but which I'm sure you will not hesitate to join in great numbers, as it is a party with novel ideas proposing concrete solutions for building a better Canada, and even a better world.

You are probably thinking "yeah, sure, a new party, but the same old promises yet again". Well yes, you will hear promises, but this time, there really is a new angle: these promises will be made by you. That's right, my fellow electors, this party is Your Party, and its promises will be your promises!

Your Party will make health one of its topmost priorities: you will therefore solennelly pledge to exercise more, to try not to eat so much junk food, and to quit smoking: together, you will contribute to alleviate the burden on our overcrowded emergency wards.

Education is another important preoccupation of Your Party. Your program will promote culture and reading, endorse the arts and will take an active part in our youth's education; you promise to once in a while watch something else than reality tv or soaps, and to make an effort to expand your musical tastes beyond the 800 or so available titles at Wal-Mart or Canadian Tire. You pledge to keep yourself informed on history as well as current news, for at Your Party you find it intolerable that a people who ignores the causes of World War I or fails to point Iraq on a map can consider itself fit to self-govern.

Your Party is also concerned about the environment: concrete measures will be adopted to improve air quality, such as the purchase of a less energy-consuming vehicle and changing your driving habits in favor of more responsible ones. Your Party will put everything in its power to end the reign of the automobilist-king, and from then on will quit looking to the car as a status symbol, a toy for overgrown brats or a compensation aimed at soothing some psychological complex of a sexual nature. The valuable contribution of pedestrians and cyclists towards a green society will finally be recognized for its full value, and you will from now on yield them priority no matter what the indications are. Never you will hold the "delinquent cyclist" type of rhetoric anymore.

Finally, Your Party will grab the bull by the horns to restore the economy, and will spare no effort to reduce the public debt. You pledge to never again purchase any product or service you can not pay in cash, to get rid once and for all of everyone of your credit cards, and to stop placing your properties on mortgage. You at Your Party have fully understood that no state will ever be able to balance its budget as long as its population remains up to its neck in debt.

Your Party proposes new ideas, new solutions that call upon you: it rejects the old backwards ideas, and from now on refuse to listen to demagogues, those peddlers of easy solutions and cheap providers of ready-made scapegoats. Thanks to Your Party, you will at last be able to proclaim "We the State", for democracy means power of the people, and the people is Your Party. With your efforts and your leadership, Your Party will finally form the real providence state.

I wish you and Your Party the best of luck, but I'll be honest, I ain't gonna vote for you. I know you voters all too well, you never hold your promises.