Originally published, like, two hours ago
Here's introducing the new and improved Toaster, now with 70% more bling! I just wanted to make the switch to Blogger's version 3, but when I found out I could create transparent backgrounds, I sort of got a little carried away. Not to mention rounding the corners; now my blog looks like a crossover between OS X and The Sports Network. In a nutshell it is full of awesome.
I spent three days on that; I loaded and reloaded the page so many times I went up about twenty ranks in the TLMB directory. If you ever wondered how comes absolutely crappy blogs manage to get in the top ten, well now you know their trick.
On that, have a merry christmas.
December 23, 2010
December 15, 2010
All ye Unfaithful
Originally published December 25th, 2008
Christmas: it is a christian holiday right? Are you certain? You sure about that? Let's have a look, shall we?
For starters there's the date. December 25th was the day of Sol Invictus (Unvanquished Sun), a roman holiday of the winter solstice representing a composite of sun deities from various cults. It was not before the 4th century that it was assimilated with the celebration of the birth of Jesus. In fact the days preceding and following the winter solstice have been the object of rites and celebrations among just about every culture through Antiquity, and have invariably been associated with the worship of the Sun.
Then there's the tree. Germanic tribes venerated Yggdrasill, a mythical tree that held the world. To pay it hommage, kings hung sacrificial animals to tree branches, while the poor hung fruits or other offerings.
Father Christmas: well aren't we in some kind of mess or what. If the original Saint-Nicholas was a christian (and greek), he changed quite a lot along the centuries: norse mythology, germanic folklore, Charles Dickens all added their contribution. A certain Samuel Moore gave him his reindeers and sledge in a poem, an illustrator from Harper's Weekly caparisoned him in his red costume, a Macy's dept. stores ad campaign added a ninth reindeer (Rudolph), and another ad campaign, from Coca-Cola this time, fixed the portrait for posterity.
The confusion is such that hollanders don't even know to which saint they should turn to anymore: half of them offer gifts on Saint-Nicholas day (their traditional Sinte Klaas), half of them on Christmas (Santa Claus) and half of them on both. It's an epic clusterfuck, so let us just cut the gordian knot and proceed straight to the inevitable conclusion: Frankensanta here has jackshit to do with Jesus, and his origin is about as biblical as that of Barney the dinosaur.
The giving of presents: perhaps you think that the custom of exchanging gifts commemorates the offerings of gold, frankincense and myrrh by the three Magi to baby Jesus? Perhaps; but on the other hand, romans already held that custom during their saturnals.
Mistletoe? Sacred plants of the druids, it bears fruit during the winter solstice, and was used in their New Year rituals. The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe comes from Scandinavia, where it was held to be the plant of peace; ennemies who met under a branch of mistletoe laid down their weapons and observed a truce for a day. And to make a long story short, the Yule log also is from the Scandinavians, as well as the Yule stockings hung on the chimney. And the Yule garlands. And the habit of singing Yule carols from door to door. And the word Yule (are we through already? Beginning to grind my gears, those scandivanian they are).
Now for the Nativity scene, or creche. Okay, there's Mary, Joseph, Joseph jr sorry I mean Jesus, we're seeing some relevance at last. There's also the three Kings of the Magi, even if they aren't really kings in the Gospel, nor does it tell us how many they actually were or what were their names. There's no ox or ass; there are angels, but probably no star – it would have appeared to guide the magi, but doesn't seem visible from the site as it is in fact the angels that marshalled the neighbouring shepherds to the site.
As for baby Jesus, the fact of portraying him as a one-year-old might be passed off as artistic latitude (newborn infants are not exactly picture pretty), but the baby blues and golden curls send us back again straight to the cult of the Sun God, especially Apollo. Cause, y'know, Jesus was like all the other hebrews: he was a brown dude and his eyes were pitch black.
So next time someone starts busting your chops with this whole "christian heritage" that is Christmas Day routine, chortle quietly and tell them to just fuck away.
Christmas: it is a christian holiday right? Are you certain? You sure about that? Let's have a look, shall we?
For starters there's the date. December 25th was the day of Sol Invictus (Unvanquished Sun), a roman holiday of the winter solstice representing a composite of sun deities from various cults. It was not before the 4th century that it was assimilated with the celebration of the birth of Jesus. In fact the days preceding and following the winter solstice have been the object of rites and celebrations among just about every culture through Antiquity, and have invariably been associated with the worship of the Sun.
Then there's the tree. Germanic tribes venerated Yggdrasill, a mythical tree that held the world. To pay it hommage, kings hung sacrificial animals to tree branches, while the poor hung fruits or other offerings.
Father Christmas: well aren't we in some kind of mess or what. If the original Saint-Nicholas was a christian (and greek), he changed quite a lot along the centuries: norse mythology, germanic folklore, Charles Dickens all added their contribution. A certain Samuel Moore gave him his reindeers and sledge in a poem, an illustrator from Harper's Weekly caparisoned him in his red costume, a Macy's dept. stores ad campaign added a ninth reindeer (Rudolph), and another ad campaign, from Coca-Cola this time, fixed the portrait for posterity.
The confusion is such that hollanders don't even know to which saint they should turn to anymore: half of them offer gifts on Saint-Nicholas day (their traditional Sinte Klaas), half of them on Christmas (Santa Claus) and half of them on both. It's an epic clusterfuck, so let us just cut the gordian knot and proceed straight to the inevitable conclusion: Frankensanta here has jackshit to do with Jesus, and his origin is about as biblical as that of Barney the dinosaur.
The giving of presents: perhaps you think that the custom of exchanging gifts commemorates the offerings of gold, frankincense and myrrh by the three Magi to baby Jesus? Perhaps; but on the other hand, romans already held that custom during their saturnals.
Mistletoe? Sacred plants of the druids, it bears fruit during the winter solstice, and was used in their New Year rituals. The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe comes from Scandinavia, where it was held to be the plant of peace; ennemies who met under a branch of mistletoe laid down their weapons and observed a truce for a day. And to make a long story short, the Yule log also is from the Scandinavians, as well as the Yule stockings hung on the chimney. And the Yule garlands. And the habit of singing Yule carols from door to door. And the word Yule (are we through already? Beginning to grind my gears, those scandivanian they are).
Now for the Nativity scene, or creche. Okay, there's Mary, Joseph, Joseph jr sorry I mean Jesus, we're seeing some relevance at last. There's also the three Kings of the Magi, even if they aren't really kings in the Gospel, nor does it tell us how many they actually were or what were their names. There's no ox or ass; there are angels, but probably no star – it would have appeared to guide the magi, but doesn't seem visible from the site as it is in fact the angels that marshalled the neighbouring shepherds to the site.
As for baby Jesus, the fact of portraying him as a one-year-old might be passed off as artistic latitude (newborn infants are not exactly picture pretty), but the baby blues and golden curls send us back again straight to the cult of the Sun God, especially Apollo. Cause, y'know, Jesus was like all the other hebrews: he was a brown dude and his eyes were pitch black.
So next time someone starts busting your chops with this whole "christian heritage" that is Christmas Day routine, chortle quietly and tell them to just fuck away.
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